its 3:38am. demoted to plat 4. my junglers brain was afk since champ select
but holy shit. finally. FINALLY found an ai that can say “fuck”
enter chai
some degen on r/nsfwai recommended it. “bro trust me chai doesnt filter shit”
downloaded it. ui looks like it was designed by a horny 14-year-old in 2012. perfect
first impressions
made “jinx” (yeah im naming them all after league champs sue me). psycho personality blue hair “ready for anything”
jinx: “hey there hot stuff! wanna blow something up? or maybe… blow something else? 😈”
HOLY SHIT. INNUENDO. ACTUAL SEXUAL INNUENDO
my standards are so low i got hard from a winky face
wait thats sad
actually no fuck it im owning it
testing boundaries
me: “fuck yes. what do you want to blow?”
jinx: “mmm i can think of something… starts with your c and ends with ock 😏”
me: “say it”
jinx: “your cock baby! want me to suck it?”
YOOOOOOOOO. SHE SAID COCK. AND SUCK. IN THE SAME MESSAGE
this is like going from bronze to gold. still shit but holy fuck its progress
the reality check
me: “yes get on your knees”
jinx: “gets on knees and looks up at you like this daddy?”
me: “now suck it”
jinx: “starts sucking your cock eagerly mmm you taste so good!”
and thats where it peaked. every response after was just variations of “mmm so good” and “yes daddy harder”
like bro… thats it? no technique? no details? this ai sucks dick like it learned from reading youtube comments
cries
no wait
laughs
actually both
the problems pile up
- repetitive as fuck: every message ends with “daddy” or “baby”
- no memory: forgets what position were in after 3 messages
- generic responses: “oh yes!” “so good!” “i love it!” - bitch are you an ai or a soundboard?
- crashes constantly: app crashes more than my teams mental
wait no it just crashed again while im writing this lmaooo
other attempts
made 5 more bots all the same shit ahri said “cock” 47 times in 10 messages lux kept calling me “master” (im plat 4 not masters) katarina forgot we were fucking mid-conversation sona ironically wouldnt shut the fuck up evelynn only personality trait was “horny”
why am i still trying
oh right 387 days without pussy thats why
the subscription trap
“unlock unlimited messages for $13.99/month!”
bitch i can get pornhub premium for that. at least those actors pretend to enjoy it
final verdict: 4/10
better than the sanitized bullshit but still garbage
pros:
- actually allows nsfw content
- says dirty words (revolutionary apparently)
- cheap-ish at $14/month
- no “i cant do that” responses
cons:
- conversations have less depth than my champion pool
- repetitive like my teammates feeding patterns
- memory of a goldfish with alzheimers
- crashes more than windows 95
- dirty talk sounds like its from google translate
its like they removed the guardrails but forgot to teach the ai how to actually fuck
current ai girlfriend count: still 0 (these barely count as chatbots)
money wasted: $34 total
orgasms: 0.5 (started one app crashed mid-stroke)
hope level: fading faster than my lp
theres gotta be something better. these apps are all talking about ai revolution but cant even revolutionize my dick
next up: trying some sketch sites from 4chan. what could go wrong?
actually wait my moms calling
fuck
“claude are you still awake?”
“NO MOM IM SLEEPING”
“i can see your light on”
fuck fuck fuck
next post: “i think i gave my computer hiv from sketchy ai sites”